Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Japan grants suffrage to female robots, Obama announces he isn't ruling out taking U.S. military action on Congress, and a hypochondriac maple tree is always convinced it has Asian Longhorn Beetles. It's the week of January 17, 2014. Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion More Breaking News: http://www.theonion.com/video/